Dear Writers of Fanfiction, No  Just No
by cmsully
Summary: Influenced by PhoenixDiamond's story 'Dear Writers of Naruto, No Just No', the characters of Kingdom Hearts finally speak out in defense of themselves!  Idea used with permission.  Rated T for potential language, although I may raise it later.
1. Sincerely, Kairi

A/N: This idea was originally thought up by PhoenixDiamond with their story 'Dear Writers of Naruto, No Just No'. I had stumbled upon it one day, and thought it was too good to restrict to one fandom. So, I asked for permission to do this, and they said yes. And thus, here is the Kingdom Hearts version of their story!

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or their characters. I also don't own the idea, however I did get permission to use it.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

Quit portraying me as a helpless damsel in distress! Just because I'm known as a Princess of Heart does not mean that I can do nothing except wait for someone to come rescue me!

While it may have been true that once upon a time I couldn't do anything, I DO have a Keyblade of my own now. Remember, I was able to fight alongside the others back in Xemnas' castle?

Not to mention that _I_ was the one who brought Sora back from being a Heartless. So there.

Sincerely,

Kairi.

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><p>AN: Oh, and I forgot to mention- Suggestions are greatly appreciated!


	2. Sincerely, Xemnas

A/N: Oh, I just realized that I forgot to thank her for allowing me to use her idea, so thanks PhoenixDiamond!

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of their characters. I also don't own the idea, although I do use it with permission.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

My name is not Mansex. I do not have sexual intercourse with my subordinates. I am a Nobody, which means that I obviously can't feel attraction towards _any_ sex. So please, stop with this foolish nonsense.

Sincerely,

The Superior of the In-Between, Xemnas.


	3. Sincerely, Sora

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of their characters. I also don't own PhoenixDiamond's idea, although I do use it with permission.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

Riku is my best friend, NOT my boyfriend. I like Kairi, remember?

Come on, I even drew myself giving Kairi a paopu fruit! Riku wasn't even _in_ the picture!

Although, I _do_ have to give props to those who think I can be seme one in the relationship. Thanks, guys, for that boost of confidence. Score one for me!

Sincerely,

Sora


	4. Sincerely, Organization XIII

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of their characters. I also don't own PhoenixDiamond's idea, although I do use it with permission.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

Due to the massive influx of humanoid Nobodies with a rainbow assortment of hair and eye color and impossible powers who seem to think that they can make certain members of our Organization (re: numbers VI, VIII, IX, XIII, & XIV) be able to suddenly feel attraction towards them, we have decided to shut down the recruitment of additional members until further notice. We apologize to those who _would_ have had a legitimate shot at joining our Organization.

Sincerely, Organization XIII

P.S. We would also like to take this moment to announce that there was no possible way to join the Organization if you had not yet been separated from your heart anyways.

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><p>AN: Sorry, people, it's true. It is called Organization _XIII_ for a reason. And yes, I've read some stories where Somebodies (even Aqua!) joined the Organization. And I've received some good suggestions from you guys! I'll post 'em as soon as I figure out how to word them correctly...


	5. Sincerely, Xion

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of their characters. I also don't own PhoenixDiamond's idea, although I do use it with permission.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

I know many of you hate me out there for _seemingly_ breaking up Roxas and Axel. However, I would like to take this opportunity to say that we ALL were friends. We _all_ hung out on the Clock Tower eating ice-cream together. They are my best friends, and I _know_ that they feel the same way about me. So, why would you even say such horrible things?

To be honest, the person who broke us up was Saïx. So, why don't you all hate on him for once, instead of me? I have my own issues to deal with!

Sincerely,

Xion


	6. Sincerely, Repliku

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of their characters. I also don't own PhoenixDiamond's idea, although I do use it with permission.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

… Hello? Did everyone forget my existence already? I know that I was only in one game but come on! This is just ridiculous!

Even Replicas need love too, you jerks. And no, not THAT kind of love, you perverts. Jeesh… I can't ever get a break here...

Sincerely,

Repliku (aka the Riku Replica)

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><p>AN: I actually counted. Within the 65, 258 Kingdom Hearts stories here on ffnet, poor Repliku (who I think is one of the most underrated characters of the whole series) is only tagged in 113 of them (and that's with all ratings and all languages). Compared to his fellow Replica Xion (who's tagged in 1,120 stories), he seriously needs some more love.


	7. Sincerely, Lea (formerly known as Axel)

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of their characters. I also don't own PhoenixDiamond's idea, although I do use it with permission.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

While Roxas, Isa, and others may have once been my buddies while I was both a Somebody and a Nobody, that does NOT mean I have any romantic inclinations towards them.

And even if I did, I definitely would NOT be the uke in the relationship. Got it memorized?

As for Larxene… *shudder* NEVER going to happen. I'm not a big fan of sadistic bitches.

Sincerely,

Lea (formerly known as Axel)

P.S. And quit pairing me with yourself, too! I don't even _know_ you!

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><p>AN: Wow, I haven't updated this in a LONG, LONG time... I need to fix that...


	8. Sincerely, Aqua

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of their characters. I also don't own PhoenixDiamond's idea, although I do use it with permission.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

What is wrong with you people?

Terra and Ventus are my friends, NOT my boyfriends! Not to mention Ven is still a kid… so why would I even _think_ of starting a romantic relationship with him?

And _me?_ With _Vanitas_? Have you all LOST your MINDS?! He is the EPITOME of Darkness, and a freak to boot!

Finally, one last thing: who the heck is Xemnas, and why would I even want a relationship with him?

Sincerely,

Aqua

P.S. And for the love of all that is holy, don't even THINK of pairing me with Master Eraqus… that is sick and wrong on so many more levels than me and Vanitas together.

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><p>AN: Seriously, people, you guys can get pretty redonkulous with your pairings (although I'm a fan of Terqua, myself... and Xemqua is pretty fascinating, too) And MAN, I need to get my funny back!


	9. Sincerely, Riku

*I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of their characters. I also don't own PhoenixDiamond's idea, although I do use it with permission.

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><p>Dear Fans of Fanfiction,<p>

I get it. Apparently, according to many of you, I am considered one of the hottest characters of the games.

However, that does NOT mean that I want to have sex with everybody. Let's go over some of the more popular people that I get paired with, shall we?

Kairi- Yes, ordinarily I would go for her… if it wasn't so obvious to EVERYBODY (excluding Sora) that she's attracted to Sora.

Sora- Best friends, NOT boyfriends. And even if we _were_ dating, I would definitely be the seme one of the two of us. Sora's dreaming if he thinks I'd uke for him. Who saved who when Master Xehanort hijacked our Exams? And which of the two of us earned the title of Master? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Axel, er Lea- I've barely spoken to the guy, save for that time when we had to rescue Sora together, so why would I wish to screw his brains out? Or, better yet, let him ravish me into oblivion?

Ansem- Don't even get me started on this one…

Vanitas- Who the hell is that guy, anyway?

Naminé- Yes, I'm grateful to her for restoring Sora's memories. No, that does not mean that I want to ravish her over and over again. Although she _is_ rather attractive, I will admit that.

Xion- While the name for some odd reason is teasingly familiar, I don't ever recall actually meeting a girl with that name.

My Replica- I'm going to need some mental bleach to get this disturbing visual out of my head…

DiZ- *shudder*

Terra- Wasn't he that guy who I met when I was just a _kid_? He's gotta be _how_ old, now? Yeah… so not going to happen.

Roxas- Nuh uh. No way. Never going to happen. The end.

Shiki- I've only met her the once… and isn't she paired with that headphones guy who looks a lot like Sora, anyway?

King Mickey- Seriously, WTF is wrong with you people?

And if I continue, I'm going to need more paper… so I'll just end it here. Oh, and BTW, there is NO way I will EVER date any of your rabid fangirl characters. Some of them are WAY too crazy…

Sincerely,

Riku.

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><p>AN: I'm totally guilty for supporting some of these pairings, teehee...


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